The Last Couple Months in a Blur

 First off my boy turned 9.  It's crazy to think he is that old.  But he had a good birthday and Grandma and Aunt Jenni came to celebrate it with us.  He was really into art so we got him his own art kit with watercolors oil pastels and a how to draw book.  I may have been more excited about it then he was, but it was still fun to give it to him:)

Okay so this sounds bad but don't judge us to harshly, but we skipped out on Stake Conference and packed a lunch and spent the day at the Capitol and Temple Square. it was amazing I am so glad we did.  The kids had so much fun and were so good that we ended up spending 4 hours there, which is a big deal for us.

 This was one of my most favorite moments there.  When we first walked on temple square a man told us to look up and when we did we saw the most beautiful sight.  There was a complete circle rainbow around the sun and it came around the temple right over angle Moroni like a halo.  It was so amazing and the most peaceful feeling came with it. But silly me couldn't get my camera to work until later so picture the Salt Lake Temple in replace of these buildings.  This happened several hours before the Solar Eclipse, but I thought it was pretty cool.

 Before we came to the temple we watched the Mountain of the Lord, so the kids would know how much work went into building the temple.  When we got there the kids were able to recognize a lot of the stuff from the movie and it meant a lot more to them.  What really made it all worth if was when we got in the car all of the kids told us how they felt the Spirit and how happy and good they felt.  It melted my heart. So worth it to go.

 We have had some visitors. My mom and dad have come and stayed with us a couple of times, which we have loved!!!!After today all of my siblings are in Utah and we are all in about hour from each other.  I am so excited cuz this is what we have been praying for so long to happen.  Now if only we could convince those stubborn Grandparents to do the same:)Love ya Dad and Mom!!!

 A quick update on Aubrey.  She is getting older but not growing.  She is 10 months old now and only 14 1/2 pounds and still has no hair.  She is gaining less then 2 pounds every 2-3 months.  But that doesn't stop her she is into everything.  This child does not sit still and everything goes into her mouth. She doesn't like other people and screams if anyone else holds her and is a major daddy's girl. She loves to smile at us and she wrinkles her nose when she does it, sooo cute.  She loves the water and is starting to stand on her own, even if it is just for a couple of seconds.  But she is mix in between Sydney and Bailee so I have my work cut out for me.  Thank goodness she will be the only one home while the others are at school.

 My favorite part of summer so far. We went camping with Justins Dad, and his sisters Jen and Amber to Island Park Idaho.  I love it up there it is so beautiful with so many trees and mountains.  It reminds me so much of home.  We camped for 3 nights in a wonderful spot right by the river.

 Justin took these beautiful pictures!!!!!I already miss it and want to go back.

 Our first full day we loaded every one up and headed to Big Springs to raft.  We had a single Kayak, a double Kayak, a canoe and a raft.  The river was perfect because it wasn't to deep and at times the kids could get out and walk by the boats and we were able to trade the kids frequently.  It was so peaceful and beautiful, that is when Aubrey wasn't crying.  She didn't like her life jacket very much.  We floated on the river for about 3 hours had a picnic in the boat then the girls and I stopped at camp while the others went on.

 We saw several Moose a long the edges which was fun and fish in the water.

 All the kids took a turn in the Kayak.

 I don't think this Moose liked us being there, it kept walking towards us, a little scary at times cause he was huge!!!!

 Love ya Amber!!!

 On Saturday we spent the day in Yellow Stone enjoying the beautiful sights and animals.  This was one of the waterfalls we stopped at.

 We didn't see any bears, but we saw elk, including these bad boys.  Wouldn't want to get in a fight with those, the antlers are huge.

 She's smiling in this picture, but it looks like she is crying.

 We stopped at a little town in the park and checked out the visitors center and got some ice cream and drinks and stretched our legs.

 Stopped off at another Waterfall and hiked down 1/4 of a mile to the river and got some more pics.  Everything was so beautiful there.  Even just driving around the park you were so memorized by everything and the beauty it was awesome.

 Our last morning there.  Justin took Aubs for a walk at  5:30am.  Sleep was very rare those three nights, camping with an infant is not fun, but we survived and more importantly so did she. 

 Some Swans that were in the river just outside camp

Before we took off we went back up at Big Springs and let the kids out one last time.  It was a cute little river with fish and a bridge.  Everything was so green.

 I loved going on this trip, it created a lot of wonderful memories. The mountains are so peaceful majestic, this is one of the places that I feel so close to the spirit love it and being with family is awesome.  (Even though I had my moments of losing it and being exhausted:)

 We stopped at the Rexburg Temple on our way home. Joel and Sydney were very excited.

 Bailee was not.

 I saw this cloud on our way home and fell in love with it.  It looked like there was a rainbow behind it.  You can't really see the colors in the picture but it had all the colors of the rainbow and I loved the shape of it.

And that is our summer so far!!!!

Several years ago a conference talk given by Joseph B. Wirthlin really impacted me.  It was titled "Come What May and Love it" Which at the time was a great strength to me in dealing with everything Bailee was doing.  I knew that the Lord had given me this bright, strong, determined little girl to watch over, care for and teach.  But I didn't know how to do that with her and she did so many things that were frustrating, dangerous and just plain naughty.  But when I heard that talk I knew I needed to change my attitude to "Come what may and love it" and love her for it as well. It was hard but so worth it to when I finally accepted the situation and learned to love it.  Since then it that has been my motto and as hard things have come I would always come back to that phrase to get me through trials.  But I have to admit it has been very difficult lately for me to do that.  Ever since Justin graduated with his Masters life has presented several challenges.  The rejection, uncertainty and the constant worry of what are to do now or how are we going to make it has been a constant burden.  The unexpected struggles of an adviser who is not only dishonest but unwilling to help Justin has severely impacted his school and future.  What we thought was an answer to a prayer has turned into more heartache.  Its sad to say but I stopped praying because it seemed like everything we prayed for was either ignored or we were given the opposite.  Something promising would come along and as quickly as it came it would go, only staying around long enough to get our hopes up.  I started to feel that my Heavenly Father didn't care about us and was punishing us. The wounds grew even deeper when it seemed like everyone around us was moving forward and things were coming so easily for them.  After struggling with this for almost 3 years now we started to think it isn't fair, why us,when is going to be our turn to have something good happen. It was a very dark and hopeless place for me to be in and at times a felt as though I was hanging by a thread and instead of letting things come and loving it, I had the attitude of bad things always happen to us and I don't care anymore.

 I am not saying any of this to complain or make people feel sorry for us, this is how I felt and since this is pretty much my journal I wanted to write it down so when similar trials come I can look back and remember these experiences. 

I heard that with hurricanes it is in the eye of the storm where things are the most peaceful. We have been in a constant storm and I have been in it fighting it every step of the way, until recently .  The Lord has led me to the eye of the storm and it is a wonderful place to be.  Because even though things around me are still swirling and there is so much uncertainty and we have huge decisions to make, I am at peace. I have no idea what will happen next but the fear and anger and hurt are gone.  All I can feel is love,comfort and hope.

I read a conference talk that my mother suggested and found this quote to be very helpful.

 "Our Heavenly Father, who loves us completely and perfectly, permits us to have experiences that will allow us to develop the traits and attributes we need to become more and more Christlike.  Our trials come in many forms, but each will allow us to become more like the Savior as we learn to recognize the good that comes from each experience.  As we understand this doctrine, we gain greater assurance of our Father's love.  We may never know in this life why we face what we do, but we can feel confident that we can grow from the experience."

I know that through this experience I have learned so much and my testimony has grown because of it, so   much more than if things would have worked out perfectly like we wanted. My reliance on the Lord has increased, because nothing is in our hands only his. I felt the love, prayers and faith of those around us and have been partakers of their generosity. I have truly felt the love of the Lord and I know that he has felt as I have.  I have a greater testimony of tithing, it is such a small amount of money to pay for such great blessings. That has always been a constant for me that I knew if we paid our tithing we would be taken care of and we always have. I have learned that sometimes in life when in the middle of a trail we are asked to take that leap of faith, without any certainty of earthly blessings at the end. But that leap of faith will always include spiritual blessings.

The most wonderful and frustrating thing about life it we don't know what lies ahead.  We constantly have different paths to choose from, never knowing where they lead.  But even though we may not know our Heavenly Father does and he knows which path is the best for us.  Sometimes the road is long and bumpy, but those are the roads in life that can be less traveled but have the greatest blessings in the end.  I am grateful to Lord for this long, long road that we have been on.  Some days it can really suck, but other days it can be so empowering.  I can now say that I am willing to take this road as long as the Lord sees fit, so that I may learn and grow and become the person I need to be.

Always playing catch up

Since I am always playing catch up, here is a much needed update on our kiddos. Sorry I haven't blogged for a while so I don't remember how to do the set up, so the captions and the borders are around the wrong pictures, but I am sure you guys will figure it out:) Enjoy!!!

. Love this picture of Aubrey.  This is when she was about 5 months old out dated but still very cute. She is now 7 months old and growing like a weed, so to speak.  She is only in the 2 percentile, but she is getting so much more mobile and developing quite the personality.  These are pictures of my favorite things that she does. First she loves to get up into the push up position and hold it for awhile.  This is also how she moves herself around. Love it!!!!

Next this is one of her favorite things to do with her hands.  It's her I am completely relaxed or I am incredible stressed position.  She will do this when she is sitting on our laps perfectly happy or when a stranger comes up and says hi, or someone other than mom or dad is holding her.  It's really funny.  Aubrey is a very stressed out, cautious baby.  When people at stores or at church come up to say hi and try to make her smile she will either give them a blank stare or a scowl, it is really funny.  She is her daddy's girl. So much for dates, we will just have to take her with us.

This is the one person that she won't hesitate to smile at, she is a daddy's girl through and through.  I love the admiration in her eyes when she looks at him.  When she is cranky Justin will get on the floor and rough house with her and she loves it.  It goes both ways.  Justin is so in love with his little girl and turns to mush when she is around.  He is constantly holding Aubrey and can't stand the thought of her being on the floor by herself.  These two are so much alike in  looks and personality it is really fun to watch.

On to Syd.  She started preschool a couple of months ago and loves it.  The class is perfect for her because there are only 7 kids and 4 adults in the classroom.  So she gets a lot of one on one attention.  Her best friend is an adorable boy named Joshua, it's so fun to watch her interact with her classmates and watch her grow.  It's weird to think she will be starting Kindergarten in the fall.  Unfortunately our poor little Syd got beat up at the park.  We were at Bailees softball game and Syd and Joel were at the playground across the field.  We were enjoying the game when Joel brought Sydney to us screaming.  In between her sobs we were able to get that a boy pulled out her hair and then she pointed to him.  I was expecting it to be a kid her age, but when I saw him I couldn't believe it.  He was probably a 4th-5th grader, and he was huge.  He just walked by us and sat with his mom as if nothing had happened while Syd is crying and pointing to him saying he hurt me.  We got her settled down and pieced together what happened between her and Joels story, then we took off her shirt and checked her out only to find deep scratch marks across her chest, shoulders and chin.  The more we found out the madder we got.  I guess the kid asked Joel if he could beat them up, to which Joel said no.  But the kid proceeded to hit Syd in the stomach, scratch her then pulled out her hair.  I don't understand why someone that age would need to hurt such a tiny girl, he is old enough to know better and the fact that the kids parents didn't do anything when they were right there listening to it is infuriating. It is so hard when you see your kids hurt, but we seem to be a magnet for bullies.  Joel has had the same problems.  Not quite sure what the problem is but I hope it goes away for my kids sake because I don't want them getting hurt anymore.  Anyways on  to happier things.

Sydney was born on Easter, so we were able to celebrate her 5th Birthday on Easter this year which was really fun.  We had Justins family come over for her b-day/Easter celebration.  I am so glad that we have family close because it is a huge blessing being able to share these special events with them.  I know the kids love it whenever Grandma and Grandpa come to visit and they are creating wonderful memories with them.

She got a Sleeping Beauty cake for her birthday and ice cream duckies for Easter.  It was such a wonderful day and she was so happy. I can't believe my little girl is 5!!!!

Ahh my sweet little Bailee what can I say about her.  I am amazed that she is still with us.  I only say that because she likes to sneak out of the house and go meet our neighbors.  Some of them I trust others I don't.  But she of course has no reserve and will knock and perfect strangers doors and invite herself in.  Which is actually a huge step for her because before she wouldn't even knock on the doors but just run into open doors then lock herself in.  But I am hoping that after a scary talk with dad about what will happen if she goes in the wrong door, that she will think twice before she knocks on someones door. But Bailee is who she is friendly, all trusting and loving.  I think she wants me to make friends because when we go to a park or store, she finds other moms and introduces herself, then asks their names.  Then she will bring the mom to me and say "this is my mom, Pamela....talk to her" then runs off.  I don't know where this outgoing nature came from.  Both Justin and I are pretty shy.

She started softball and loves it.  She is probably the only one on the team who can really play.  She almost took off her coaches head and sent the ball to outfield when she hit a pitch in practice today.  And she is ever so diligent about making sure she gets the ball when she is in outfield.   She hasn't quite grasped the concept of getting the ball and touching the base to get an out, but I am sure that will come.  It is fun to watch her.  Bailee is amazing, she is one of those people that no matter what she does, she will succeed and excel at.

On to my boy.  He is getting very grown up it's crazy.  Because he is getting older it is time to let go of this.  This is his crib blanket he has had since he was a baby.  Not sure why was became so attached to it, but this went everywhere with him.  It has been thrown-up on, peed on and washed so many times that the batting is gone, and the material is so thin you can see through it.  All the color is gone except for the middle and it is disgusting.  We gave him a month to say goodbye then we cut it up and threw it away, except for the middle decoration.  Which I told him I would keep and make something out of it, but in all reality I am hoping he will just forget so I can throw it away with the rest of it.

Joel loves Aubrey.  He doesn't seem to notice he has another sister.  I am sure that he will when she gets older.  But for now he is loving her to death, it's so sweet to watch.  He will make a good daddy someday.

Sorry this pic is sideways, but Joel is in love with Basketball.  He has made a goal to become an NBA player, but wants to specifically play for the Utah Jazz.  We have had the chance to go to several Jazz games while living in Utah and it has been a blast.  Justin and Joel watch every single Jazz game on T.V and whenever we go to the park Joel takes his ball and spends the whole time practicing his shots, passing and footwork.  Joel is very passionate when it comes to his interests.  He will pour is whole heart and soul into it, and will devote every spare minute into learning or practicing it.  It makes me very proud as a parent to watch him work so hard.  It's also fun to know that his favorite jazz player along with several other players and the coach live only 5 minutes from us. Who knows maybe we will bump into them at the store!!!!

This is just a fun daily sight for us. Not the ugly cars but the dear (and that is our neighbors yard not ours).  They come frequently in our backyard to graze, take naps and just to chill out it's fun to see.  Although the messes they leave are not as fun.

One last shot of my 4 cuties.  LOVE THEM!!!!

Gratitude

Well I have much to be grateful for, and I know that I am late for Thanksgiving but just in time for Christmas.

First of all I am thankful that despite having a heart-attack, heart surgery, pneumonia, kidney stones and two trips to the ER; my dad is alive and doing well. He gave us quite a scare about a month ago and it just seemed like one thing right after another kept happening. But despite it all he has kept a good attitude and is even claiming bragging rights on knowing what it is like to give childbirth.  I guess some nurses told him that they have had kidney stones and given childbirth and the pain for the kidney stones is worse. So he gave "birth" to a 4 1/2 mm kidney stone and is very proud.

 Second: For my husband who despite a horrible grad program and an even more awful adviser,( but I don't think we can call her that because she isn't helpful or advising Justin in anyway) who is making life very miserable for him is sticking with it to provide for his family.  I know how hard it is for him to stay and the last couple of years have been very trying for him, but I am grateful for the sacrifices he is making.

 Third but not last, for these little ones.  Every time I look at this picture it melts my heart and I am overwhelmed with gratitude for each of them. They are the reason I am here and I do everything I do.  I couldn't imagine my life without them. I read this quote by Thomas S. Monson that pretty much sums up how I feel. "May the laughter of children gladden our hearts. May the faith of children soothe our souls. May the love of children prompt our deeds. Children are an heritage of the Lord"

Of course there are many more things but these are the ones closes to my heart right now.